Weddings and Parents: How to get your points across safely

So you already know that weddings are a time of family, emotions and a whirlwind of activities.  You may think it is your day that you're planning for, but this day is also equally as important and significant to your parents (or guardians).  

Photo credit: Bicoastal Bride Blog/Alex Neumann Photography

For some, they have been dreaming about your  wedding since you were little! Imagining what dress or tux you'd wear, who your significant love would be, etc.  If your parents are also offering to financially take care of some or all of the wedding expenses, it can make it difficult when they want (for example) a particular band or design element involved in your wedding.  

So how do you get your points across, safely? Here are some steps Justin and I have outlined for you, based upon where you might be in your wedding planning:
 

Just got engaged!

1. Sit down with your parents in a calm, non-distracting environment. 
2. Start off by mentioning how excited you and your fiancé are about getting married! (This is a happy time in your life and it should remain that way throughout the planning journey!)
3. Explain how important your parents are to you and how important this day is to you.
4. Thank them for offering to help pay for your wedding and that you want to include them in as much as you can.
5. Explain that as much as you appreciate and respect them, you hope they'll do the same for you and your thoughts for your perfect wedding.
6. If there are certain elements you know you want and clearly do not want their involvement, touch on this delicately.  The safe way to bring this up is to say: "I know you both really love grandma's dress on me, but it just really isn't my style or vision for my own wedding.  I don't want to be disrespectful, but I do want to be honest. Her dress was gorgeous for that time, now it's my time now and I have a style of my own."
7. Finish this discussion reassuring them that you love and care about them deeply and just want to make sure everyone has a great time and remembers the beautiful day!

Half Way There to 1 Month Away...

1. Sit down with your parents in a calm, non-distracting environment. 
2. Explain how important they are to you and how important this day is to you.
3. Thank them (again) for offering to help pay for your wedding and for their assistance thus far in planning your wedding.
4. Apologize for not sitting down with them earlier and discussing some expectations with regard to decisions involving the wedding.
5. If there are certain elements you know you want and clearly do not want their involvement, touch on this delicately.  The safe way to bring this up is to say: "I know you both really love violin and we've secured that for the cocktail hour, but please leave the final entertainment selection up to Rob and I, although we'll gladly hear your opinions."
6. Mention that it's difficult to please everyone and as much as you wish you could, it's impossible. With that said, you need to be selective, but stay true to who you are as a soon-to-be married couple.
7. Finish this discussion reassuring them that you love and care about them deeply and just want to make sure everyone has a great time and remembers the beautiful day!

Wherever you are in your planning journey, do keep in mind it should be fun and positively memorable! We hope these tips help you in your path to see some individuality within your wedding plans. 

Have tips of your own to share?

Have a follow up question? Post them below!.

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Gabriela Salamanca is the partner and certified wedding/special event consultant for No Limit Events LLC as well as the main writer for the company blog, No Limit Events LLC: Bloggin’ It. She enjoys sharing fun and unique wedding ideas, which include helpful wedding and party related posts, inspirational photos and advice for those planning special celebrations. Gabriela lives in New Jersey with her husband and business partner, Justin, and their 2 lovable cats. Planning a luxurious wedding or special party? Please visit her blog and website for specials and helpful advice.